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The Silver Lining

By April 29, 2014Musings

You guys, I’m having a day…or a week…maybe a month. I’m feeling defeated and sad and lonely and like I’m just not “making it”. With my business, as a mom, as a wife, as a person. I’ve been running my little business full time for four months now and have made some amazing strides. I’ve had some big sales, I’ve increased visibility for our brand, I’ve gotten the attention of lots of different people who will help propel us forward. But I can’t shake the feeling that I haven’t done enough. That it isn’t my best.

I left a well-paying corporate job, with full benefits and a great retirement package to run my own business. What am I, nuts? I’m not gonna lie, I’m struggling…financially, emotionally, sometimes physically (damn you, insomnia). Some days I feel like I don’t have anything to do. Some days I feel like it’s too much. I love being able to pick my kids up from school and have them near me, but at the same time, they interrupt me every five minutes. I love being able to work in tandem with my husband and business partner, but the process of learning how to be colleagues has been tough. I feel defensive when he makes a suggestion. I take constructive criticism as confirmation of my worst fears. That I’m not good enough. That I will fail. That I will bankrupt my family. That I will have to go back to an industry that I hate with my tail between my legs and beg for a job.

It’s my first Farmer’s Market season and it’s been going just ok, not awesome. It costs time and money and energy and when there isn’t a big return, I have to ask myself if it’s even worth it. It’s so hard not to get bogged down in the negative, not to get pulled into a spiral of negative thoughts and fears. And as much as I hated my corporate job, it made a difference to have co-workers around to commiserate with, to have other people who understood what I was going through. We lifted each other up, we supported each other, we gossiped together, and now it’s just me.

Except it isn’t. Y’all, I have met some of the most amazing, inspiring, loving, kind people through this process. People I would have never had the chance to know otherwise. I’ve had to train my brain to understand that these are my new co-workers, these are the people I commiserate with, the people I go to when I need to solve a problem, even the people I gossip with on occasion. We are all in the same boat, we are all trying to make it go, we are all trying to create our own destiny. And when we pool that energy, when we create synergy, when we prop each other up, well…you won’t be able to stop us. So, that is my silver lining. And I want to say thank you. Thank you to all of the makers out there who give me the inspiration to keep moving forward, thank you to my friends who have fielded more than a few tearful phone calls, thank you to the strangers who have shared such lovely words of encouragement. Let’s do this, y’all. Onward!

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